Secrets Don't Make Friends

Mar 14, 2008 - 14:07 PM PST

A coworker of mine exclaims this once and a while at work, in a joking way, when people are talking amongst themselves in barely audible tones. Before a month ago, I had never heard the phrase, but it has made quite an impact on me for some reason. Maybe it's the simple truth of it. A phrase one might associate with fourth grade recess, or an older sibling coaxing something from a younger one, is just as appropriate for adults.

Isn't the basis of secrecy fear? Fear is natural and I'm certain no living being (human or not) can live without it at one time or another, after all it is often necessary for survival. There's a sort of conscious fear, though, that can take over when you choose to step backward instead of forward. Funny how the US government is coming to the front of mind now... a fantastic example of the big whigs in Washington fearing it's people, maybe?

But the little people like me, who try their best to be as happy as possible at what they do each day, in contribution to the betterment of the world, often find themselves fighting the battle of gossip in the office. Personally, I've found there is no way to beat it, but the best path to take is to stay out of it. Choosing this automatically generates boundary lines between fellow employees, a more challenging relationship with superiors, and an ultimate isolation from the everday "goings ons" not announced in the weekly memo. It's a tough stance to take on this war against gossip. But necessary for your spirit to survive! Ninety-nine percent of this philosophy is smart, it's common sense, really, to keep out of trouble. But there is one percent, hanging out in the back of your mind not so commendable of honor or honest virtue. Fear.

THIS WAS MY THOUGHT ON THE SUBJECT ABOUT THIS TIME LAST YEAR:
Not to sound sexist, but I wonder if "office living" was as much of a struggle before women entered the field as the standard inhabitants of the office community? We do have a tendency to enjoy drama (while men have a tendency to enjoy their action). We thrive on helping others, instructing others, leading others, and I've rarely met a woman afraid to voice her opinion of a situation. I'm not trying to paint a picture of a nosey neighbor as the face of every woman in the world - we all know our faces are different, and constantly change. It's just a differenct dynamic when you have a group of women working together, versus a group of men working together.

THIS IS MY THOUGHT ON THE TOPIC NOW:
Male or female, cursed by the "Y" chromosome or not, it's purely attitude that determines a working environment. Each person has the power to choose who they want to be. I will choose to smile when I say hello. I will choose to ask about someone's day if I sincerely wish to hear about it. I will choose NOT to dwell on things that will clutter my mind with negative thoughts and prevent me from finding solutions or learning from experience. Knowing my own high level of naivety and ignorance, others have certainly seen what I've seen and reached the same, or similar conclusion. My question is this: why not choose the higher road? Why continue to buy into the things you fear?

In my (somewhat limited) experience, people who attack others in the workplace are afraid of what that person brings to the table being known to the world and showing, in return, what they themselves are lacking. This is fear! At it's simplest.

So throw fear to the wind! Be real! Be honest with yourself and with others, whether in the workplace, at home, on the street, or at the movies. Instead of trying to shoot down others whom you fear, learn from them! Give them the opportunity to learn from you. Live this life with a passion for making the lives of your children better than your own. And enjoy each day!