Smiling

Mar 02, 2008 - 13:55 PM PST

Smiling is just another way to get through the social society. Do you know that when you smile and ask about someone's day, that other person's whole being seems to start glowing again with happiness. Well, not exactly happiness but what's the word??? Gladness. That's the word, well I don't even know if it is a word but it suits how people look. I walk around with a smile all day and ask about person's day every time someone walks by to the point I'm sick of it. I'm even turning that smile to my daily life. When did I get so fake??? For some, it seems like I can actually mean it when I smile. For my friends, I feel like I am a fake. I realize I can't even really laugh anymore. I fake-laugh every time there is a joke, a funny moment. But I never really laugh anymore....I know it's because I'm stressing myself. But I must have been stressing myself for a long while because guess what,I'm 21 and I haven't really laughed with someone since I was 12 and in 7th grade. What does that say about me but that I am probably stressing over nothing or I am a depressed person and I have to take some pills to change the chemical balance in my head??? I do not want to do that. I don't want to be depressed. I don't want to stress. I'm 21!!! I'm not supposed to be stressed over anything but school and guys right??? So why can't I laugh??? Why do I walk around with a perfectly fake smile everyday???