So I realized...

Mar 01, 2008 - 20:49 PM PST

So I was thinking...I have really changed from the way I used to deal with things in the past -with relationships and thoughts. I never really realized it up until lately. Being in high school, everyone can understand that certain feeling of loneliness you get when you see everyone around you with a girlfriend or boyfriend and you- being still single seems like you'll never find someone. I felt like that for so incredibly long after my breakup a few years with my last girlfriend, when we broke up sporadically for absolutely no reason and I found out that overnight she no longer liked me. Well, I thought I was "in love" with her till about this year when I finally realized I was just incredibly stupid for falling for her since she has now dated about 20 guys since then, and that I almost lost my virginity to her which would have been the worst thing I would have ever done in my life. Thankfully, now I know that God ended that relationship, caused her to stop liking me, so that I wouldn't have made that step and ruined my life, but since then I don't know - I guess I'm just really different. I don't ever worry about dating anymore, in part because I know God has someone for me eventually and also because I'm still young. I turn 17 in 5 days (woopie right? hah.) but I feel alot older in my mind and my thoughts. I handle things differently than any other teenager my age - even better than adults. I'm just like anyone else, I have people that I have feelings towards, but I don't fly after them anymore like a jet propelled rocket, and I'm not rash in my decisions anymore. I've had alot of girls that I've told I liked them and it has been made clear that they don't like me like that, and somehow it hasn't bothered me and we stay friends and things don't become all "weird" like they do for most people. It's really a great feeling knowing that I don't have to be depend on a relationship or a woman to tell me who I am either. I'm secure, and it's pretty pimpin!