stuff about junk and stuff

Jun 05, 2008 - 07:34 AM PST

Love as a terminal condition, a kind of person-tumor, is not something to be desired. I don't want to dissect you and pin your skin out in a kind of weird starfish pattern and poke and fondle your organs. I don't need to be a haruspex, doing organ augury on the lobes of your liver or the bumps on your kidneys. That is not my idea of a good time.

Once you feel you really know somebody, once you feel you really have them all figured out, that there's nothing left to decipher...then you become capable of contempt. Then, if they make the mistake of soliciting your opinion, that contempt is released and now has a target toward which to flow. This is why you see couples arguing in the supermarket. This is the dynamic behind supermarket arguments.

Imagine a love that didn't turn into disgust. This is my goal. a love where you stay as civil as you were when you were still tryin to get some. a love where you remain polite and respectful and yet somehow still true to who you are. I don't think disgust is some necessary collateral damage accompanying truth. So I don't know why they look at each other that way, why they feel they have the right to treat each other with undisguised loathing.

...

There are those among us who are creatures of pure will because they looked inside themselves and found nothing, and so decided that they had to apply themselves to become the big bright beautiful thing everybody loves.

These people are targeted on the future and are locked in a world of their own illusion and filter everything through the dewy pink noise of their own self-love. They err consciously and strategically in ways calculated to subvert and trick others into doing their bidding, but they are in all ways toxic to everyone around them.

The world is teetering because of the actions of such people. The world teeters on the fulcrum of some deluded person's herculean will. an outer hull of bluster around an inner core of fear, confusion, and chaos will never produce an integrated individual. will it? will never makes a complete individual. such people become overbalanced icebergs, upside down icebergs teetering on the southern seas.

...

Telling a friend about how there came a time in my life where it seemed that everything was known, lighted up, every corner of the universe was lighted up and revealed for the mundane sham it was, the mundane shame, and there was no longer any mystery to be found anywhere. So I decided that I would generate new mystery, new mythology, that instead of spinning old thread out of new clothes I would reengineer the new unknown. that's why I write the way that I write.