Sunday Morning Snow is Fallin'

Mar 02, 2008 - 06:03 AM PST

So its Sunday March 2nd, 2008 and I, Kimberly Chapman am still just as screwed up in the brain as I was a year ago. This time I have a boyfriend who actually gives a shit, friends who care about my well-being and their own, and a puppy who makes existence worth it. Funny how things can change in a year, huh? Last year at this time I was sitting day and night at my grandmother's house watching my grandfather slowly slip away from us, and this year I'm preparing for the one year anniversary of losing him...which saddens me more than anything. I don't question things often but right now I'm questioning myself......thinking why are you trying to make things better when you KNOWthat he's in a better place and although there is nothing you can do about it, its ok to feel guilty sometimes that you weren't there as he died. I kick myself all the time because I wasn't there that night to hold my mom as she cried...and to have someone around that cared about me...
When my dad called me that night and told me grandpa had died...I already knew it...just a feeling. But he told me and I lost it....and my roommate and everyone else around me just stared as I fell apart in the hallway next to our room. I hate them for it...but I'm over it.

anyway I gotta stop this because I'm gonna cry and I don't' have time for this.

Kim