Terrified to Trust

Apr 04, 2008 - 02:38 AM PST

I’m afraid to tell you how scared I really am. I don’t easily trust people, and even though I feel I CAN trust you, I’m terrified to. I see you everyday, and you’ve already confided in me so much. I KNOW you love me, and it’s one of the few things I am sure of. But I’m SO afraid to trust anyone again. I believe this is different. I believe what we have is special, but I’ve felt like I had something different before, and have regretted it ever since. I want to be able to confide in you. I want to be able to bring myself to show you that I love you as much as you show me, but I can’t. There’s SO much I wish I could tell you. But I’m so terrified that confiding in you will cause you to leave me. I feel myself slowly beginning to pull away again, as I always do when I start to get too close to someone, even though I’m telling myself not to. There’s a battle brewing inside myself and I don’t know how to make it stop. I don’t want to lose you, but at the same time I’m afraid that I’ll get too attached to you and eventually will. And that would hurt so much more. I find myself avoiding a broken heart at all costs, even if it means leaving you before you can leave me. You’ve passed every test I never meant to give you, and I still can’t bring myself to fully trust you. I shouldn’t feel so alone when I have someone who loves me so much, who wants to let me in… But I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t know how to tell you. And I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to.