The death of optimism

Feb 17, 2008 - 18:59 PM PST

You never know how much someone can change your life forever. I had always heard about how someone can do something as simple as smile and that's all it takes but I never really believed it. For me it was just a laugh as I walked by their room.

I got started in that hospital all due to one simple hour long show on the discovery channel when I was 15. I watched these woman play with kids who were sick and I knew I had to do something, I neededto be involved, and my mind was made up. I was going to school to help change kids lives.

Walking down those harsh white hallways that smelled like antiseptic, sounds of heart monitors echoing in the rooms, and the hiss of breathing machines never bothered me. But everything changes eventually. I loved going in every day, playing games talking to them about what was happening, and convincing them they weren't alone. I was so intent on fixing things, so optimistic it would all turn out okay.

I spent 6 months playing games, listening to music, or just talking to them. I felt like I could see so much more than what others did, and I was set on them making it out and knowing them for years and years. At the ages of 2, 12, and 21 you don't even reason it could be any other way...but life is always full of surprises.

January 10th my optimism died along with all their laughter. Now I can't walk down those hallways without hearing them laugh or walk into their room without seeing them. Everything changed that day, and while I'm happy they are happier, my heart still breaks with each passing thought.