“To whom it may concern”

Mar 03, 2008 - 07:10 AM PST

I was lying in bed last night all I could think of was laying next to you.
Sometimes I feel guilty for even thinking such a thing.
At other times I am completely comfortable at discussing (amongst myself) what my true feelings entail. Even though I’m not yours, you’re mine. Your what, you ask. My Favorite, I reply. Simply the one person of the male gender that has been there and has not yet completely turned their back on me. I know that we have had our ups and our downs. I know why they have occurred. Even though there is a part of me that yearns for more, the other part of me says that I am completely comfortable with the way things are.
Yet it baffles me that while I think to myself how much I adore you, I keep you so far away. Perhaps for my own safety, if you are not there the feelings do not exist. You can not help the way you feel, but if there is no reason to feel those things maybe I just rather play it safe than sorry. Perhaps I am insecure; perhaps I don’t want to lose what has been established. Perhaps I just like to admire it from far away. Who knows maybe it’s because I have yet to find something better. Still I have not found the answer to why I feel the way I do. I certainly have yet to decipher if it’s ok to do so. This is why I keep you at a safe distance and continue to discuss these things (amongst myself).