Two Music Snobs

Mar 04, 2008 - 09:03 AM PST

dex2988: If you play your cards right, I can get you an exclusive Maxell Type I cassette of unmastered recordings I did in 1996. It's so retro because in my day, all the real artists were too poor to afford the high bias Type II cassettes. The first 58 minutes are spoken dialogue and tuning exercises, climaxing in a 2 minute 4-part harmony. Since I know you care about the golden age of 1995-1997, (you know, when music MATTERED), I'm offering you this rare tape for only $80. It's so rare that no one else has ever even listened to it other than me.

mattfuller: I think $80 is a fair price - for a neophyte collector. Personally I don't buy anything that's less than $600. In addition, while you may think that you're the only one to have heard this tape, I've already commissioned Antibalas to provide me with their own rendering, based upon Tom Waits' Mark Twain-style musings on your profile picture. It is, I am sure, highly accurate. I will sell it to you for $81. Secondly, I wanted to listen to some of your music, but you suggest doing so on "headphones," with which I am not familiar. Perhaps if you could provide me with a Victrola-compatible recording, or even better, a wax cylinder version?


dex2988: Antibalas and I co-headlined the March 27th, 1998 Gaslight happy hour from 4pm to 6pm in the meat-packing district of Manhattan while I was the lead singer of "The Blue Tiger and The Mystical I," an experimental funk/blues conglomeration that refused to play any songs in 4/4 time because of how readily consumable that time signature is. We also would only write music in bass clef, on 6 point font staff paper, unlike the gulag of sucker mc's out there ravaging our environment with standard 12 point font paper.

Controversy arose when our lead guitarist insisted on playing mandolin, which was explicitly prohibited in Antibalas' tech rider for the show. We agreed to settle peacefully with them after our drummer Karen agreed to legally change her name to "Vim Ion Shock," which as you already know, is an anagram of Antibalas' bass player Nick Movshon's name. We also bought them a round of black and tans.

mattfuller: You were in "The Blue Tiger and The Mystical I"? Dude, I was in "The Blue Tiger and the Mystical I"! I was Karen, the female drummer. I knew you looked familiar, but man, you really need to get your facts straight. We later on determined that the Gaslight happy hour show wasn't actually "a show" but in fact a giant gray horse clad in violet and crimson, singing "It's a Long Way to Tipperary" while the director's cut of Das Boot was projected on its abdomen. I would have thought you would remember that, what with an afternoon gig actually being a horse and all. I mean, that almost doesn't even make sense.

Oh, gotta go - the guy from Death Cab just told me he wants me to mix down the tracks for the new Postal Service album. It's alright, but I think I'm going to call in the mountain-goat-contained soul of Jimmy Smith and have him lay down some awkward Hammond organ fills. Much love - Vim Ion Shock