Two weeks of my life.

Feb 19, 2008 - 17:03 PM PST

Nothing really has happened, so far two or three people said they'd try out for Alex's band. I know all the people who said they'd try out, so I think they have a good chance. One of them has a good chance, but the other one is just so conservative and she's more a choir type. There's no use in using names. I feel really pushed to do things I don't want to do right now. One thing that people push me to do is try out for Alex's band, but the only thing I'll do is support them on Canada day, and find them a singer. I know that when we were all little, we would sing and even when I was twelve we would sing and I would sing out for everyone to hear. I was never scared, until now for some reason I don't know.

Another thing I'm being pushed to do is go out with this guy, Dillon. If you figure what I figure, that all Dillons/Dylans are bad boys, this Dillon is a total bad boy. Or that's what he leads people on to think. But I've seen his lyrics, he's not a poser. He just has two sides and not everyone gets to see both. He's my friend and all, but one he has a girlfriend. He's being pressured to dump her, her name is Heather, I don't know her. But everyone says that she's a whore. Not my words. But I wouldn't be surprised if she really is, Dillon has a tendency to go out with "that type". They're really out there and are total ditzes. It's not that much, it's not like I'm carrying the world on my shoulder. But I'm not about to go tell everyone that I don't believe in love and I plan to be that cat lady that ate your kids. Joking about the cat lady, and definitely eating your kids. Anyway, if I did, they'd just start telling me I need to believe in it or I'll be in for a superbly rude awakening. Which is stupid, I don't think "love" is a rude awakening. Maybe it does exist, but if it does, it's definitely not what anyone believes it to be.

Lately I've been finding myself awake at nights. I have no clue what it is. I'm not worrying about anything. All that crap that's "pressuring me"... it's not really pressuring me, just making me mad because I don't care about these things, because there really are no worries. But I'm still hearing about these things. Maybe I've been drinking a tad too much coffee. But when I can't sleep, I write. This weekend, I started a new writing project. Maybe I'll put it up here sometime, but it's basically about a woman on a quest to find her two children. Her husband left her when she was only eighteen and pregnant. Then he comes back and just takes them. You could be thinking "eighteen and pregnant?", well this little story is supposed to take place awhile ago. I'm still writing that other book. I've been working on it for about eight months and have at least a hundred pages. I'm pretty happy I didn't stop and throw the story out, because it's going pretty well.

Back to Dillon for a moment though, he's a nice guy, he's not a poster boy. But I don't want to go out with anyone, I know that when Dillon is with someone... he likes to go "far" emotionally and physically. Not like I'm scared, and even then... I think it's okay if I am. But if you read my blogs because you just do, you know how I feel about the lovey-dovey-mushy-gushy thing.