Vol.1

Nov 17, 2007 - 00:16 AM PST

Ok lets see. how do you start this without sounding like every movie i have ever seen where people blog. first i can tell that i am going to say ignore my grammer because i dont care enough to correct it. if that bugs you dont read it. the only reason i started this was to tell people about my life and thoughts without letting people i know see it. i love them dont get me wrong but they take things the wrong way and i know they dont know about this site. the only person i dont care about knowing this is the friend who showed it to me so oh well. i am not goint to say names because if for some chance they read it they wont get mad at me for posting their name on the internet along with whatever thoughts i might have.

first i should tell you about myself. trust me these wont be this long useally but i have to introduce things about me for you to understand. so i am 19 and i am in college. i thought it would help me get away from all the highschool drama i seem to draw to myself. but it didnt work very well. first it started with my best friend at the time. so i will start a new paragraph.

we started hanging out in highschool when i was a senior and had just started a new school after being in foster care for about 11 months. i met her through her brother who i had a crush on. we will call her Sarah. and her brother can be taylor. well the first friend i talked about before, how about Kate, well she wanted to meet the guy i was crushing on and i totally wanted her to. so after a few months they started hanging out and about two or three weeks after he denied me they made out when i was in the living room. so i stoped talking to both of them. thats when Sarah's little sister started talking about a local band. then Sarah started hanging out with them too. then she started talking about this guy who she was now going out with. so i went over with her to meet them. they were hella cool but the guy Sarah was seeing was was hot and really nice. we will call him Grant. and i noticed myself falling for him. so i backed off. alot. like he thought i didnt like him and people thought i hated him. anyway, sarah and i drank a little one night with taylor and his friends, one of which was Sarahs ex-boyfriends. well the booze brings the truth out in some people like me and sarah and i told her that i liked Grant. well she didnt care as much as i thought she would because it turns out she still loves her ex. well she cared more than she said because when i moved in with her she thought it was cute to have sex when we had bunk beds and she slept on the top. or not saying anything when i knocked on the door. well i cryed alot in the 5 months they dated. then Grant broke up with her because he saw what she was doing. so she told me i could go for him because if she couldnt be with him she would rather it be me than some hooker. so the day before i asked him she ran to him telling him she was sorry and she wanted to give it another shot. well he said no but i guess it shook him enough that he also said no to me. so now i hated my best friend and the guy i had fallen in love with, keep in mind i had only fallen in love with a guy twice before this(tell you about it later), denies me. so i pritty much go emo at this point and want to kill myself. but the girls of the band were like my sisters and helped me through it. so i kinda moved on even thought seeing the person every day made it impossible to un fall in love with him. well i was hanging out with this girl i met at the bands house, how about heather for her, and i got a phone call from the band. they told me that if i lost weight (im fat by the way) Grant would go out with me. so i freak out and say yes. so for a few months thats all i do. i got a job with the band as a makeup artist and i excerized. well i lost 20lbs. but then grant started to be an ass. and i got sick of playing the same game i played with my ex boyfriend, i am gonna call him Dustin because thats his real name and i dont care if he sees this. so i told him now or never because i had to much crap on my plate to worrie about if he was gonna change his mind. then my world fell apart...again. he said no. so i cryed for the rest of the day till i got to the bands house and they fixed it. i guess when i am nervous i dont say things right and he thought i ment take a brake because i was freaking about too many things and then we would try it. so when the band called him they told him the truth and he said ok he would go out with me. so that pritty much brings us from about two years ago to today. i am at thirty pounds from the 100lb goal and i am staying at Grants house for a little bit till i can go back to my dads house. grant lives in the same town at the college and i live like 45 mineuts away. so yeah. i guess i will tell you more later. now you know the jest of it. so tootles. till next time.