Waiting For Death

Aug 14, 2008 - 05:50 AM PST

For a summer night,
It was cool outside
But, still
It was a summer night

And so I sat on that bench
Waiting for life to come

I couldn't see it happen
I wouldn't.

And so I lit a cigarette
Toasting to the end of my integrity

I let the ember dance through the air between drags
As I wrote my name through the smoke
Stroke after stroke
Tracing over my once lines
Time after time
Waiting for life to come

I couldn't believe it
I wouldn't.

And so I lit another cigarette
Toasting to the end of my freedom

I held it vertically between puffs
Red down, filter facing up
The smoke rising into my palm
Calmly complacent
Sifting through my fingers
Lingering for a moment
Than dissipating just as quickly
Waiting for life to come

I couldn't allow it
I wouldn't.

And so I lit my last cigarette
Toasting to the end of my world

I held it
Until it had smoked itself down to the butt
And wound my hand
Around the cherry
Unable to let go
Pain throbbing through my clenched fist
To my heart,
Veins pumping out distain

Wondering
When life was ever going to show up
Wondering
If death would reach me first

It was cool outside,
For a summer night
But, still
It was a summer night

And so I sat on that bench
Waiting for my life to come