Walking away?

Mar 29, 2008 - 01:06 AM PST

If you had asked me at the beginning of the year if I saw a future with her I would have told you without hesitation and emphatically, "YES!" But now I am not so sure. How did we go from being completely in love, to barely talking. When the phone rings and it's her, I hesitate. Most conversations in with neither of us speaking, yet afraid to just hang up. We tip-toe around each other’s feelings, and yet still manage to inflict pain. Have we become self-destructive?
I love her, yet at the same time could care less if we didn’t see each other for days. She has changed, partly my fault. Taking what I say and changing in an attempt to suit me better, only finding that it has separated us. Am I to blame for the disappearance of the woman I loved? A few misunderstood words should never have that impact. Why change for me, when I clear was the one seeking this relationship from the beginning?
Is it too far gone for hope? I know these changes that need to happen are not going to be over night. But how long do I wait? Time apart spent in reflection can save this, but time spent wallowing in the mutual mess that has come is no good. If I walk away there is no going back, I truly am that stubborn. But how do I walk away from a year and a half of my life?
I have come to the realization that I could live happy without her. The question is, do I want to?