what do you wish for?

Mar 13, 2008 - 21:50 PM PST

i didn't expect to be writing already, but as i was brushing my teeth to turn in for the night i realized that my reflection is empty. where did i go? it wasn't so long ago that i could gaze into a mirror and understand the person looking back. i keep brushing off these quirks as teenage angst, but that excuse has almost lost it's validity. nyquil will make this better...

meanwhile i've been fighting some sort of virus. it's one of those wandering colds that moves from your nose to your ears and back. i'm still not sure how some little microbe can so actively infest your entire being. last night my left nostril was meaningless, and tonight my nose is just fine... it's my ear that doesn't work. i just want summer to be here. no allergies, no colds. just summer.

thats another thing that bugs me. i keep wishing away my time. does everyone do this? maybe it's some fatal flaw that we use as a means of survival... coping with the stresses thrown our way by daydreaming of the future. 'i wish' is almost as bad as 'what if'. i wish it was saturday.... what if it was? then i'd just wish i had something to do. what if i did? then i'd just wish to be elsewhere. maybe i won't ever be happy.

but don't we always want more? think of the people on this site. think of yourself...
why are you here? why are you poring your time into a blog, vlog, or photo gallery? do you want to share your art or do you want to get recognized? we spend so much time trying to create. trying to expel the anxiety that wells up if we don't draw or sing or do whatever it is that heals us. so what's it all really about? the joy of creating, or the hope that our creations will save us? or maybe our intentions are more aimed towards saving everyone else...

all i know is that there's so much we don't know. and i'm amazed by it every single day.