whatever....I am so over it...no I am not...but Im trying...

Feb 13, 2008 - 20:44 PM PST

yeah so people so that all the time and i dont even know what it means. Like right now I dont want to write properly and capitalize and spell everything correctly because none of it really matters...who fuckin cares...lol...whatever...I am extremely annoyed, but of course at no one in particular, just myself. Which is somewhat cool because I have no one to blame. Which is the reason it sucks. I feel like a failure of some sort. Not because I dont have a degree or a great career. I actually dont know how i feel right now. I am avoiding my phone. Strange? True. If Im not around it, then I wont go crazy not recieving the one phone call I AM DYING FOR....ok not dying. Thats a BIT much, but whatever. I am a bit much. Dramatic as hell and fuck if chill pills exsisted I would definitely be a regular user. So...where does all this aggression come from, you ask!?! Well I ask....There is one person in particular who I am absolutely smitten with at the present moment and I just cant seem to get over myself and go on with it. I need to do this because I want him.. BADLY.. But for SO many other reasons. Some may hear my explanation and jump immediately to "rebound". Yet it so much MORE than that. Yes, I do need to move on and realize that my ex is NOT and NEVER was "THE ONE". As different as I seem...why does this whole fuckin scenario seem to everyday?! Ordinary. Everyday. Common. I am struggling with being normal. Everyday. Common. I suppose everyone feels this way. Yet I just dont know how to deal with my emotions. Waiting to be undertsood. Wanting to be understood. All of this freaking out over a silly little crush...?! But what if it isnt so silly...?! What if he is "THE ONE" LOL.....whatever,,,
right now I am SO over myself...anyone else wanna deal with me?!