When is it time to say GoodbyeMar 23, 2008 - 17:08 PM PST "When is it time... to say Goodbye?" I asked "What do you mean?" He looked up at me with the very eyes that once captivated me. I paused... "I mean ... when is this... going to end between us? I'm tired Adrian... I'm tired of waiting for you love me...I'm tired of trying to make sense of something that never will..." He was quiet, his silence spoke clearly... "I'm here... I'm here now... I don't understand" he set down his guitar and the echo of his chords seem echo further from my heart... "Well...i'm not here... Im not here and I can't be! 7 years Adrian... 7 years i've been waiting for you.... I lost a part of me that I can never have back. I believed in you, I believed that loving you would be enough to bring you back to me...." "IT did.. i'm here... open your eyes girl... what more do you want? You can't believe I didn't think about you everyday!!!" he pleaded "I... I want a truth that will explain to me why I needed to wait so long...I watched you have a life of your own and you let me waste my youth waiting...hoping... never knowing... in that in itself.. i lost hope in you. it's a dream to believe in a fairytale Adrian. I forgot how to breathe on my own...because I've held on for so long.... " "You can't do this.. not now Alisa...not now" I've seen this look in him before... when we first started dating.... frustration, complication, determination... it is what and why i loved him so much... "...Now... the time to say goodbye is now... before this gets worse... before resentment finds a home where love used to live. "YOu can't be serious... after all this time... you're willing to just let this go... i'm just now able to wrap my hands around this... and you just want to give up??" "TIme is what ended us...I dont know why I can't get past the pain you made me feel... I just couldn't understand if i was who you wanted... why weren't you with me. Why did you insist on making me wait for YEARS!!! I never wanted to admit it to myself... but the truth is... you're settling.... and you know it. You don't love me... you don't want me.... you just didn't want the life you chose for yourself... I can't be the scape from your reality... you need to own up to your reality and leave me alone. YOu have to let me get over you... and move on. i can't live with having you now...and be suffocated with lonliness... i'd rather not see you at all...i'm tired of being in love alone..." "You're crazy... I do love you....that is why i am here... you inspire me .... you are my smile and the only girl who believed in me when i couldn't.... i'm here because I want to be... because I need to be... losing you now... my god i'd be lost" "Then I suggest you find a road map... i suggest you figure it out... I pray you find your happiness.. because Adrian... your happiness is with the idea of me... but not me.. believe it or not... I have learned to listen to your words spoken in silence... to your desires strummed from you very fingers when you play that guitar. I hear you loud and clear... you have to start to listening to yourself! I'm fading away from you and I can't sit here and be the girl who held you back because I loved you so much. Be and do whatever you need to do, but do not let me be the reason you're lost. There is nothing here to hold on to... because you can't be the reason I never know love.. you have to let me find it for me... something about you keeps me here....but i'm pleading with you.... say goodbye Adrian... " We stood in our living room - staring at each other for seemed like forever. The tears in his eyes met the disappointment in mine. When is it time to say Goodbye... ? |
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Title: When is it time to say Goodbye
Added: 03-23-2008
Channel: Writing
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