You Would Never Expect This From Me...Then Again...

Dec 09, 2007 - 19:32 PM PST

Considering I'm a pessimist and all I don't usually write these kind of blogs, or even think them for that matter, but lately my life has thrown me a few curve balls (have I mentioned I play softball and use softball metaphors wherever applicable?). Anyway, not a lot of people know much about my life, oh wait I lied, everyone seems to know every little detail of my totally annoying screwy life. I don't know how or why people want to know everything that happens to me. It's not like I'm popular...heck half the people don't even know who I am. So why is it that everyone seems to have me all figured out even though they have never talked to me? I barely have myself figured out... [rant, rant, rant]

Well heres the irony of my life. I always seem to be in the right place at the right time, but then later on I screw up the seemingly perfect thing. Things are perfect for a couple days, and then I send myself and the people around me into total confusion.

I can safely say I've been in love once in my life. (Yes I know I'm 15, and yes I know my whole life to live so save your breath, well in this case energy). Too bad I didn't know what love actually was until it was gone. I mean I assumed I was in love and I thought I knew what it was, but little did I know I was missing something. See I think love is not just giving someone you're whole heart and having theirs in return, love is letting go of that heart you once held and still lending yours out. But what happens when you want you're heart back? You can't just stay alone forever right? Can you actually fall out of love? Or are you doomed to be in lust for the rest of you're life (wow, why do I always seem to use morbid words? oh wait... pessimist... DUH!)?

I don't think you can totally fall out of love. I think there is always going to be that lingering bond, and part, even if its minute, of you're heart will always belong to someone else. But you can acquire back the rest, and my suggestion is put it to good use. Set you're standards and don't settle for less. Don't stop searching until you find exactly what it is you're looking for, and maybe just maybe you're first love will be you're one and only love... then again... maybe not